Some days are better than others. Some years are worse than others. And each kid is different than the others. The days when my older children quickly and happily help their younger siblings to finish their homework while I look on from the kitchen, baking cookies, and wearing an apron and a smile: those are good days. The year my kids did their homework in the car every morning on the way to school: not such a great year. Having spent the last 8+ years reminding... er, helping... I mean encouraging... sometimes demanding... my children to do their homework, I have learned a few things.
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| "Come here and pretend you're doing homework, sweetie." "Why?" "Because I forgot to take a real picture Friday when you were all really doing your homework and everyone else has already left for school and I really need to get this up on the blog..." |
Figure Out What Works For Your Family
After a lot of trial-and-error, I have found that at least for my grade-school kids, right after school is the best time for homework (older kids will often end up doing it later on, after their activities or jobs are done for the day). But do what works for your family - if I worked outside our home, we'd probably need to do homework after dinner.
So this is how pretty much every afternoon goes: my kids come home and have a snack while we talk about how each of their days went (see Daily Alone Time in this post). I ask each one how much homework they have, just so I have an idea of how long to expect it to take. A couple of my kids can rattle off exactly what they have been assigned, while others really need to be encouraged to check their backpacks to remember what they need to do.
(This is also when I have them hand over any letters from teachers, notices about t-ball starting up soon, permission slips, etc. If I don't deal with all of this right then, I will most definitely forget to do it until they are leaving for school the next day. Or probably after they're on the bus already.)
Keep the Environment Comfortable and Consistent
After the just-got-off-the-bus chaos calms down a little, and everyone has had a snack and a time to be heard about their most pressing needs, it's time to do homework. There needs to be a place that makes it easy to be successful in doing homework - free (as much as possible) of distractions like siblings who are already done, relatively quiet, easy to spread your work out and get it done. For us this is the dining room table. It's big enough that everyone can have space, comfortable enough to sit and work at, and near the kitchen so I can be making dinner and still supervise the little worker bees as they work.
The most important thing I can do to help my kids get their homework done quickly and relatively happily, is to enforce the Homework Zone. If you're not doing homework, you're not allowed in the dining room. Nothing saps a kid's interest in finishing up that math worksheet faster than watching their brother play Legos 5 feet away. Let's be honest, if your husband is sitting on the couch watching a movie does that help you feel more motivated to do the dishes? No. The same is true for your kids. So help them out by moving all the fun into another room.
Make Your Expectations Clear
To your children, and also to their teachers. Let's face it, some assignments do a better job of assessing the parents than they do the students. I already passed the third grade, I don't need to do it again. I'm all for work that benefits my child, but if I feel like a teacher is sending home busywork for me to do, I'm not gonna do it. I let the kids know why, and I also let the teacher know.
I pretty much never check their homework - all I ask is that they do it. I figure, if I check it and have them fix all their mistakes, how will the teacher know what they need help with? They should be graded on their own effort, not mine. That being said, I will happily read through anything they ask me to, give feedback, point out spelling or other errors. And I ALWAYS stop what I'm doing to come help them understand a question or concept.
I also don't check backpacks. I ask if they have homework, I make them check their own backpack to make sure, and then I trust them. Some of my kids' teachers really love the independence and responsibility I expect from my children, others are not as... enthusiastic about it. But I have heard too many stories of kids being upset with their mom because they got in trouble at school for not turning in their work, or of high-school students whose moms stay up half the night re-writing an essay so they'll get a good grade on it. I'm not that mom. Half of my kids have always done and turned in their homework on their own each day. The other half need some prompting to do it in the first place, and a reminder to turn it in after that. But they get better as they get older, and learn to take responsibility for themselves.
They also can take a lot more pride in the grades that they earn, if they know they did it themselves, and I didn't have anything to do with it. My job is to remind them, and to provide a time and a place that encourages their success. Their job is to do it.
Reward Them if Necessary
So this all sounds really simple, right? Ask them if they have homework, settle them down at the table, and then go about my day. Yeah, it's not always quite that easy.
I have found that each of my kids' approach to homework is innate, and is fairly representative of how they approach the rest of their lives. Some kids see the correlation between doing well on their homework and getting good grades. Some kids just want to get it done. Some kids need to be pushed a little.
I have one child in particular who just doesn't care about grades. This child wouldn't feel a bit uncomfortable if, day after day, they never had a finished assignment to turn in with the rest of the class. This child of mine has also proven themselves willing and capable of sitting for hours on end, staring at the same piece of paper, without any motivation to do it. Frankly, it's mind-boggling. Not to mention frustrating.
So since not doing homework isn't an option in this house, and since having a stare-down every afternoon over another worksheet isn't my idea of happy living, we have instituted a reward system. It's simple, and effective. The premise is that I hate video games as much as my kids love them. Consequently, they don't play very often - except when they've finished their homework. They get 15 minutes for having their homework finished (as well as 15 minutes for having a clean room). This is the definition of heaven to them. And it honestly makes me hate that Xbox just a little bit less.
Let's sum up
Have a routine that involves a regular time and place for homework to take place. Make sure your child knows what you expect out of them, and when they fail, resist the urge to jump in and rescue them. Look for ways to motivate. Don't be the mom who wrings her hands and says, "I just don't know how to get Johnny to do his homework" while little Johnny is sitting on the couch playing Xbox for four hours a day.
One last word of advice: relax. Your kindergartner does not have to be read to for 20 minutes every night (Or hey, let your 2nd grade budding reader read to the kindergartner at night! Two birds with one stone!). It's okay for your fourth grader's science fair project to look like she did if by herself. And if your ninth grader spent all afternoon on the phone with friends, resist the urge to stay up all night helping her finish her homework. A little bit of discomfort now can lead to a lot of personal responsibility later.
An Note: If your child regularly spends hours too long doing their homework, don't hesitate to write a note to their teacher. They may not realize just how much they are assigning.
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