(How are these numbers possible? ex: I brought home baby #2 to meet baby #1. Two years later I brought home baby #3 to meet baby #2 and baby #1, and even though the same siblings are being introduced to babies multiple times, it still counts as a new meeting because that child is older now and thus it is a completely different experience. Make sense?)
How you prepare your kids will be very different based on the ages and personalities of your kids. Let's start with the youngest ones first.
Babies
If you already have a baby at home, bringing home a new baby can be quite a shock for them. Life will be easier for you and your child if you can encourage your older baby towards toddler-hood before the new baby arrives. If possible use your pregnancy as an opportunity to help yourself get out of the habit of carrying your child everywhere. If you carry your toddler everywhere you go up until the day the new baby is born they will be quite put out when the new baby is suddenly in your arms 24 hours a day instead of them.
I had an 18 month old who could barely say 10 words, but she could say, "Baby down. Me up!"
If you will be moving your older baby to a new bed or car seat to make room for the new baby, be sure to do it well in advance of baby's arrival. You don't want your older baby feeling like they've been replaced or that the new baby is taking their things from them. The good news is, the younger your child is, the quicker they will adjust to change, and the quicker they will forget that they were ever the baby of the house.
Toddlers
Use your child's new found language abilities to build enthusiasm about the coming baby. Talk about the baby in a positive way, pointing out the possible difficulties, but emphasizing the good changes the baby will bring. Toddlers can't tell time, which can be a constant source of frustration for them. Help your child understand the timing of the baby's arrival by referencing things they can relate to. "The baby will come just before Halloween." Or "Six more church days until the baby comes."
A friend of mine told her two year old and four year old boys that they were going to have a new baby. Her Four year old burst into tears and said, "But I want to keep the old baby!"
Give your child as much exposure to babies (real and pretend) as possible. Visit a friend who has a big pregnant belly before and after she has a baby. Let them see what a newborn looks like, and how they are cared for.
My sister had twins a month before my fifth baby was born. I took my toddler over to her house every day to practice sitting quietly and stroking the babies' heads. When our baby finally arrived, he was already a pro at baby patting.
Set up the babies crib, car seat, and other items, so they become common place in the house. Buy your child their own baby doll to care for and play with. Help them see all the ways they can help you when the baby arrives. Read "I'm a Big Sister/Brother" by Joanna Cole. It just might be the best prepping book ever!
Elementary School Kids
Talk about it, talk about how they're going to be a big brother/sister and get to help out with the tiny baby, make sure you have activities for them to do when you're ignoring them (coloring books, small crafts they don't need help with, etc.). When practical, take kids to prenatal appointments:
One time I had an appointment scheduled for the exact same time as my landlord scheduled a window to be replaced. I can leave all my kids home (then aged 5-13) but I can't leave them home with two strange men working in my house. So I had to bring everyone to the appointment. It turned out to be fun - we all crowded into the exam room and my five year old got to hold the Doppler to find baby's heartbeat. Everyone got to hear the heartbeat, ask the midwife questions, and look at the weird posters on the wall (or try not to, in the case of my 12 year old son). We got donuts on the way home; it was a fun outing.
Kids this age are likely to have a lot of questions, especially if they can't remember the last time a baby came to live at your house.
While visiting my brother, I was nursing my baby in a room with my seven year old nephew. He asked, "What are you doing with your baby under that blanket?" I explained that I was feeding my baby milk from my breast. With pure skepticism he replied, "Whatever. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
Your children will be starting to make their own friends and have their own interests. Don't worry if they aren't particularly interested in the new baby. It's not their baby, they don't have to spend every waking moment oohing and awing over it.
Teenagers
Older kids (especially girls) can really feel the responsibility/stress of a new baby. Chances are they've been through this all before, and remember the impending chaos. Talk about the changes that are coming, and let them know that you realize an extra person in the house will likely mean extra responsibilities for your older children.
My oldest was almost 14 when my last baby was born, and she was feeling a lot of anxiety about the coming baby. It took me a while to realize it, but to help her feel "ready" I had to get the things ready that she felt were important so that she could stop stressing about them anymore: car seat washed and ready, hospital bag packed, baby clothes/blankets/burp cloths washed and ready. Once I did those things, she could relax and look forward to the baby.
Two special cases to consider:
Transitioning from one to two babies can be one of the hardest changes in family size. Your first child goes from being an "only" to an "oldest." It can be hard for your first child to understand that they no longer claim 100% of your attention. There will be times when both children will cry and you will have to choose which one to pick up first. Your heart will feel like it's breaking in two. Your first inclination will be to pick up the baby because they are smaller and more helpless. It is our opinion that you should resist this urge. Go to the oldest first. Unless the baby is in physical danger, let them cry while you tend to your older child. A baby doesn't know when they're being chosen second, but your older child will. If you continue to tend to the baby first, your older child will feel second best. Older children can often be quickly soothed with a few words or a toy, leaving you free to return to the baby. But if you choose to care for the baby first, you may end up leaving your toddler feeling neglected for twenty minutes or more while you nurse or care for the baby.
Spacing between siblings can be a huge factor too. If the baby of your family has been "the baby" for many years, and then you suddenly introduce a new baby, it can be very difficult. People develop very strong personality traits based around their position in the family. When that position is altered, it can be very upsetting to a child. Recognize and validate these feelings in your child. "I know it's hard to share. I know you like being my baby. You're right, it is hard when I have to hold the baby all the time and can't always pick you up anymore. It makes me sad too." Then emphasize the positive changes. And make an effort to pull your "old baby" onto your lap sometimes when you aren't holding the new one.
Bottom Line
Prepare: Let your kids have as much exposure to babies as possible. Talk about the changes that are going to happen. Answer their questions honestly (but cheerfully).
Validate: Show your kids you understand their feelings. Help them find value in their new role in the family. Spend quality time alone with each of your children.
Kate and Marcia
Thank you for providing such a valuable information and thanks for sharing this matter.
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