I was wrong, and I'm sorry.

Sometimes (often) we (I) speak words in ignorance. Sometimes we are lucky enough to realize our mistakes and appologize.  This is one of those times.

A long time ago, when I was a stay-at-home mom with young kids I said this:

My house is always a mess because there are always people in it. Working moms should have clean houses because their houses are empty all day.

I'm not entirely sure why I said this.  Maybe working moms appeared to have a glamorous life, and I was jealous.  Maybe I was just trying to feel better about my own short-comings.  I really don't know.  But I am a working mom now and I know things I didn't know before.  Now I know that:

A working mom's house will probably always be messy because no one is ever home to clean it, and the only time people are home is during the busy coming-and-going parts of the day.

When my kids were small, it was hard to get anything done.  I have spent most of the last fifteen years at home caring for many small humans who had to be held constantly and who have torn my house apart on an hourly basis.  It's true that my house was a mess because there were always people in it.  Every person in my house was busy messing it up, and it seemed like I was the only one cleaning, and I was sorely outnumbered.

Now I work, and my kids are big (and busy).  I leave the house at 6AM along with all of my big kids.  We leave the house in a flurry of laundry, missing shoes, and half-packed lunches.  I leave behind my husband and two small children who repeat the whole process an hour later.  Only they are little boys, so they leave the house in a flurry of laundry, missing shoes, half-eaten bowls of cereal, and pee pee on the bathroom floor.  Sometime between 3PM and 4PM some of us stagger in the front door, throw off our backpacks and coats, grab something for dinner, and then rush back out the door for football practice, tennis games, band concerts, cub scouts, and church activities.  If we are lucky we get back home at a semi-reasonable hour to put all the kids to bed.  And then each day, we repeat.

So what's the point?  The point is I misjudged you.  And I'm sorry.

I'm not sorry for misjudging you.  I'm sorry for judging you at all.

I shouldn't really have been worried about whether anyone's house was clean but mine.  I should have done my best to keep my family happy and healthy, and assumed you were doing the same.

I was young and naive, and I hope you can forgive me.  More importantly hope you can pay it forward.  The next time you are inclined to make a judgement call about how someone else should or shouldn't run their life, stop.  Just stop.  If you aren't their mom, they don't need your advice.  (If you are their mom, they still may not need your advice).


Marcia